How a Slow Office VPN Led Me to File a US Patent

This is the story of how a mundane complaint — "the VPN is slow" — turned into a US patent application. Not a granted patent. An application . I want to be precise about that from the start, because the distance between the two is the whole point of this post. It started with a slow VPN The company I work for had an internal VPN that everyone routed through. It lived in the Tokyo office, it was old, and it was not something I built. Then the complaints started arriving — from a lot of people, all saying the same thing: it's slow. I work from Thailand most of the time. That detail matters. If that aging box in Tokyo had fallen over, I would have been the person furthest from the power button, in the worst position to fix it. A slow VPN is annoying. An unreachable VPN, when you're a few thousand kilometers away, is a real problem. So I started moving it to the cloud. I stood up a WireGuard VPN — modern, fast, and something I could actually reason about and operate remotely instead of inheriting a black box. Down the WireGuard rabbit hole Around that time I was deep into building my own iPhone apps. So the cloud migration turned into a personal project on the side: I built my own server and wired WireGuard into an iPhone app of my own. And to do that properly, I started studying how WireGuard actually works under the hood — the Noise protocol, the handshake, the key exchange. That study is where everything else came from. I wasn't trying to invent anything. I was just trying to understand the thing I was now responsible for. The SYN flood that primed my brain Not long before, the same company had been hit with a SYN flood attack. If you've dealt with one, you know it lodges the mechanics of connection handshakes firmly in your head — the back-and-forth, the round trips, the cost of every "hello" before any real data moves. So I had handshakes on the brain. And then, reading through how WireGuard establishes a session, a thought stopped me: Wait — does it really handsha